The recent guidelines for teachers on setting the relationship, sex, and health curriculum released by the UK Department for Education have forbidden the teaching of anti-capitalist ideas, labelling such notions as ‘extremist’. And rightly so!

But much like an inattentive child struggling to list the factors of four, the government have missed the root of the problem.

Look at the world our children are growing up in. We parents must read to our children, but where can one find a comment thread that isn’t riddled with conflict? Division, I say, is the greatest danger facing our children.

So can you believe that they teach division in Maths?

I thought Maths would be the one subject free from politics. But no: teachers across the length and breadth of the UK are teaching children as young as six to divide strong and stable whole numbers into weak, delusional fragments. Or in extremist babble, ‘fractions’.

Teaching division involves questions such as, ‘If I took five apples, and shared them equally between five people, how many apples would everybody receive?’ Harmless, you might think. Until you recall that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. If each person had one apple, then the agenda behind it all is plain to see: such talk is a thinly-veiled plot by teachers to undermine the NHS and hamper the vaccine rollout. Probably to get more time off work.

Teaching kids how to separate distinct numbers into equal parts can only radicalise students, leading them to embrace extreme ideologies like communism, anarchism, and critical thinking.

I urge you to write to the Department for Education immediately, requesting that they replace this ‘division’ with real Maths, like addition and multiplication, so that we can instil a natural, accumulative mindset in the leaders of tomorrow.

After all, our children should be taught real British values instead. Like taking away.